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Are we mean ??

sewfar | Posted in General Discussion on

I was rereading issue 145 before I put it back for issue 146 and was again struck by the letter to the editor saying that she found Gatherings to be mean spirited, critical and hurtful. I have found the opposite but if I am wrong I think we will be quick to extend apologies to anyone offended. Sometimes when advice is asked for the reply can seem all knowing and maybe even haughty even if it is not intended to be so at all. Just ask my children as I expound to long with too much detail on a simple ..to me.. cooking or household task. Also, please keep in mind that we are not all good writers and what was meant to be expressed with a smile and a twinkle can appear stony in print. To be quite honest, after reading the letter I feel ill at ease about writing to Gatherings but our advice and letters are what keeps the site vibrant…and I think quite friendly.


  1. User avater
    ThreadKoe | | #1

    The letter you are referring to was in fact, wrong. The particular event that she was talking about happened on the other Comments site on the Threads pages. It happens that someone is rude, or unfair, on the odd time, but most here ignore the inflammatory remarks. I have found Gatherings to be a friendly, cheerful place. Disagreements happen, and apologies are often issued, when there is a problem. I wouldn't be afraid to chat or ask questions, as we are all a very friendly bunch. I was shocked and upset when I saw what happened on the other thing. It was grossly unfair and spiteful. In the last year here, we have had some upsets, but nothing like what I saw there. I continue to read and enjoy Gatherings, but skip the rest of the Threads comments site. I have had no interest in what is there, other than to look for information. I much prefer the friendly, helpful people here.
    Sewfar, It is my opinion that someone did not do the proper research on the whole issue, before printing that particular letter. I believe that Threads Editors actually should be printing an apology for printing a letter like that, without looking at the whole picture, and making sure that the facts were straight. Gatherings, was not ever involved, and it makes it unfair for the ones who do post here to be tarred with the same brush. Cathy

    1. sewfar | | #2

      Thanks so much for the explanation. I am relieved

    2. Ceeayche | | #5

      I agree with you Cathy on both points: 

      1.  This site is one of the most supportive and engaging sites to which I'm connected.

      2.  The editors should do a better job of researching these types of infamatory statements before committting to print them.  It's very unfortunate they aren't familiar enough with the Gatherings community to know the difference immediately.

      3.  Of the hundreds of posts that land here, I am only aware of one instance of dialogue that got hairy-- and I do think it was a case of the poster not understanding how her remarks were interpreted and the limits of online discussion versus live discussion... in other words, I don't think that there was any ill intent.


    3. rodezzy | | #7

      I tried some of the other Threads on Gatherings and found them not too friendly.  I got back over here in a hurry and will never stray again.  You ladies here are sweet, patient, kind, and giving.  I love the magazine, but I've found some very special people here that are worth the subscription price alone.  Thanks Cathy!

    4. User avater
      Deana | | #8

      As always, your comments regarding the magazine are well taken. However, if you read the letter carefully you'll see that the letter is not criticizing the comments on the Gatherings forum at all. Rather, the reader is talking about comments that are posted on the "main site" and in the "web posts". In fact, the reader is asking for comments on the main site to be done with the same "decorum" as in Gatherings. We agree that there have been some very negative comments posted on the blog posts and we ask that everyone, comment in a positive and constructive manner on all areas of the site.

      1. User avater
        ThreadKoe | | #9

        Deana, I apologize if my comments were harsh. Upon re reading the letter, I agree that Gatherings is not included in the comments made by the letter writer. I would like to point out that before your explanation, the phrasing in the letter was not clear that we were not included in the criticism. The comment that we are "moderated-and has a "house rule" about being civil and not insulting to other posters" leaves it open to interpretation that we are guilty of the same type of nastiness. If I am typical of most readers, it is the first impression that counts. The impression that I was left with at the first few readings, was not a pleasant one. I know that letters are heavily edited, as I have had a letter printed myself. It would have been better if the kudos to our "decorum" was made clearer. I have not been on Gatherings as much lately, a lot of it due to the tone in the letter. Many longtime posters seem to be avoiding the site as well. It is a shame that such a nasty outburst happened on the Website. Gatherings is a valuable asset to the magazine, and a resource like no other on the web. I would hate it if people avoided us due to the impression that we also are a nasty bunch. Cathy

        1. PowellPat | | #10

          My interpretation of the letter was the same as yours. I thought Gatherings had turned nasty and I luckily missed it!

          1. ljb2115 | | #11

            I was of the same assumption until I re-read the letter to the editor.  This is the most genteel forum I participate in.  Maybe too much so.  Since all the sign-in nonsense I have not seen any particularly sparkling posts.  For the "newbies", periodically there is a bit of conflict - but all taken with a grain of salt.  This is a great forum, used by great members.  Now if the "Powers-to-Be" could get the sign-in mess straightened - I would be a very happy camper (or sewer).

          2. PowellPat | | #12

            They are moving us to a new web platform in a week or so. Along w/ other improvements, the move should correct the sign-in problems. Keeping my figures crossed. (Hard to sew that way.) ;)

          3. jjgg | | #13

            When I started reading this thread, I thought it might have been referring to my comment to Birdlady and all her questions about her pattern drafting classes. I think I inadvertently sparked some of the nastiest stuff I've ever seen on this forum with that

          4. Katina | | #14

            Just a very quick note from me which is off the topic of sewing, but concerns the great warmth and caring I have always found here. We are in the US at the moment - emergency dash to my dying father-in-law - and I have been absent from the site. Some members have missed me and have taken the trouble to check privately that I'm all right. I'm very touched by this, and no, we are not mean.


          5. User avater
            ThreadKoe | | #15

            I am sooo sorry for your heartache right now Katina. I have been away myself for a bit, and am just catching up now. (((HUGS))) to you and your family in this time of trouble. Cathy

          6. Katina | | #17

            Cathy, thank you very much indeed


          7. Ceeayche | | #16

            Hi Katina,

            I had noticed you were out, but had no idea the reason.  I have you and your family in my prayers.  I'm not sure which part of the states you're in, but under different circumstances I would have liked to try and hook up while you were on this side of the "big pond".  Stay strong my friend.  Joy cometh in the morning.


          8. Katina | | #18

            Your support is greatly appreciated.


  2. woodruff | | #3

    Gee, this is the mildest-mannered, most genteel forum I have ever visited! Really, a lot of discussion sites can get terribly intense and some veer off frankly into crudeness and serious attempts at cruelty.But it's important to remember that these online interactions are not 'real' in the sense that anyone is likely to be actually acquainted with anyone else, or to have business or social contact. We are mostly 'personas' to each other, and we can choose or not choose to be offended by what we read.

    Edited 11/1/2009 1:03 pm by woodruff

    1. cycler1729 | | #4

      As woodruff said - this is the most helpful, non-abusive forum I've ever visited. Every time I've asked a question or posted a comment the respondents to the time to answer me in a generous way.If you ever visited the forums for sellers on Amazon, you'd see REAL venom and hostility - they are cruel!

  3. Jillsifer | | #6

    Nope. I'm a very, VERY occasional visitor here (a "resident" of Cooks' Talk) and I find you all quite helpful, friendly, collegial and amusing.


  4. dionna | | #19

    No I really don't think so Ive only had a good experince here.

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